10 tips on how you can survive your work Xmas party for 2024

It's smack bang in the middle of silly season here in New Zealand and if you haven't had your office Xmas party yet, you're likely either going to be having it this week or you work for a broke media company...

This morning on the Hauraki Breakfast with Jeremy Wells, he (with the help of Mash & Manaia Stewart) dove into the guts of office Christmas parties, how to survive them, what not to do and why you don't want to be the story.

So I thought why not write an article, from the point of view of someone who humiliates themselves at most Christmas Parties (most work events to be honest) and hand out 10 tips on how to survive your work Xmas party this year!

1. Don't be the story

This could be the most key piece of advice you take with you to the 2024 chrissy party, don't be the story. As long as you are the second or third story, that's alright just don't be THE story. When I was an intern a few years ago my other intern mate and I received this great advice from one of the senior workers in the office, the other intern proceeded to be the story, I was a close second and ironically the senior member was the third but years from that party no one still remembers the work myself or the senior staff member did that night... no one can forget what the other intern did though.

Below you will see a photo of former Hauraki head and current ACC head Mike "G" Lane sleeping on the couch at work after being "the story" of the biggest industry awards night earlier in this year... don't be like G Lane. 

2. Don't post on social media 

Nothing good can be shared from a work party on your Insty/Snap or Facebook so leave your phone in your pocket or even better, do a whip around before the party and keep all the phones in a lock box (where you can remember you put it). This was the one rule at the 2022 ACC Xmas party and it proceeded to be broken, not even on this person's personal Instagram, they posted on the ACC Instagram.

3. Don't screw the crew

It may seem like a brilliant idea in the heat of the moment, but it's not.

4. Stay in the peloton 

You might think the enticing offer of your bosses credit card being down and the tab running free all night is a good idea (it normally is) but you don't want to get too far in front of the peloton.

I have attached a photo above of Pride of Jenni, a horse that shot ahead of the peloton and in this case she won, but in most cases (like work Xmas parties) the peloton will hunt you down and you will be the story of the night. In saying that, if no one leaves the peloton the party could fall flat so maybe encourage your workmates to be the first to leave the peloton or do it in a group of 2 or 3...

5. Home is your friend

From the wise words of Jeremy Wells "no one ever regretted going home from the work Xmas party, don't kick on and buy a box of nangs" seems very specific from Jeremy but it is great advice, has there ever been a time where you wish you stayed up till sunrise with your workmates? think of how much better you will feel the next day, which most likely could be at another function in this time of year.

6. Don't bring an extra guest 

Never bring your partner, they don't want to sit around listening to you slag off your workmates that aren't at the party and hear you talk punishing shop all night. The partners only go because they think you want them to come and there's a good chance they will get stuck talking to another punishing partner in the corner for the most part of the night.

7. Make sure you're aware that co-workers will be co-workers the next day (especially HR)

Following on from don't screw the crew, don't punish or get to close with your workmates because at the end of the day... they're your workmates. This rule should be strongly reflected with the HR department as well, you don't want to be getting to comfortable with them, you don't want to be asking them how much people are getting paid and you don't want them seeing the heinous crimes you committed and having to face them in a boardroom meeting the following Monday.

Below are photos from Leigh Hart holding a moral compass (blackmail) of G Lane after a prior workplace Xmas party incident...

8. Don't exclusively talk shop all night

Don't talk shop all night, don't talk about your/your workmates partners all nights, think of some topics you can talk about to fill time during the evening. Here are a few I have prepared earlier for you.

• Warriors chat (is 2025 their year)
• Spotify wrapped (who was your favourite artists)
• Any summer plans (generic)
• Any gigs lined up for new years?
• Any tips for the horses this weekend?
• Shall we go to the casino?

9. The Xmas party isn't the place to strike up a relationship with your boss

This isn't in regards to a sexual relationship (although definitely don't do that either) but if you have been quiet all year and then finally get confidence after a couple drinks to chat to the boss, don't talk about the future of the business, don't talk about where the best place he should spend his money is, who the good and bad employees are, who deserves a pay rise, who the new breakfast show is etc. etc. it will never work at a Xmas party and there's a good chance one of you two won't remember it.

10. Own your mistakes on Monday

There's nothing more suss than someone not showing up to work the day after the Xmas party, it either indicates you had a shocker, you're far too hungover or you screwed the crew. If you front up at the office the next day, suffer with the rest of your colleagues, grab a greasy feed and maybe even pop out at lunchtime to the local bar and have a "hair of the dog" you will be the real hero of your office Christmas party for 2024!

Honourable mentions for what not to do at the Christmas party

• Swap clothes with the head of legal and leave in a dress (G Lane)
• Climb up a Xmas tree at the NZ cricket awards and fall on your back like a cockroach (G Lane)
• Fall asleep in a car park building after getting thrown out of the taxi you were put in (not G Lane)
• Break your ribs trying to run home after the Xmas party (G Lane)
• Firetruck your girlfriends bed (me)

If you want to hear Jerry, Manaia and Mash talking about this, check out the full poddy from this morning!