Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - Review

Go ninja; go ninja, go ninja, go! – For the select few that remember the original sewer dwelling heroes and Vanilla Ice accompanying raps… You may want to second-guess potentially changing your beloved memories of nostalgia.

Jonathan Liebesman brings us his vision of the heroes in a half shell, heavily modeled by Michael Bay’s dictations, and it is far from delivering the turtles the respect they deserve. These days the Turtles are so lost within the generations, that no one can tell whether they are mutants, aliens or just tiny people in ridiculous cosplay. The latest film in the turtle’s franchise is a sudden reboot, placing the pizza lovers in the modern era of today’s society, and quite frankly it just doesn’t fit. The Turtles were a product of the late 80’s to the early 90’s imagination, kicking back, hanging loose, eating pizza and playing video games that were no more than 8-bit. It seems that under Bay’s instruction, it was to destroy the origin story in to a 90-minute escapade of rushing through the turtles up coming, to a ridiculous Megan Fox raised tribute of ‘I forgive you for calling me Hitler-esque’.

It may be the inner fan in me reaching out like an unsettled fan boy, but the New turtles film, lacked everything necessary to make it as magical as its past… The CGI just doesn’t cut it anymore… We liked the ridiculous rubber suits that caused it’s actors exhaustion, we liked the bad 90’s dialog and anchovy eater slang… And Raphael and Michelangelo sounding distinctively different rather that all four turtles sounding like a bad mash-up of a drunk impersonation that your creepy uncle attempts at lonely Christmas parties.

The film tries it’s best to reach out to this generation, and all the while doing so, buries its older fans that were brought up in the turtle era, in a dark isolated box of Megan Foxes plastic-ness. The films action sequences are rushed and at times, unintentionally tragic as they try to channel the matrix while clashing with bad new era cartoons. If you are unfamiliar with the magic of the Turtles, then I suggest checking it out with open eyes and a clear brain, however if you are a previous fan, stare clear from the theaters and go rent out TMNT II while eating a XL double pepperoni.

I give it a solid 4/10

Reviewed by Mase Shaw - Follow Mase on Twitter @MaseShaw