Matt Heath: Shower Business Shows NZ's Great Egalitarianism

‘World’s best-ever political interview’ should make Kiwis proud.

Last week on my morning radio show, we asked John Key our 'Thank You For Your Honesty' questions. The same ones we ask everyone who comes on our show. The fact the PM answered them makes me proud to be a Kiwi and I'll tell you why. But first here they are:

1. Have you been drunk, tipsy or twangered in the past month?
2. Have you ever killed an animal bigger than an insect?
3. Have you pashed a man?
4. Was the Virgin Mary really a virgin?
5. Do you trim your downstairs?
6. Have you ever done wees in the shower?
7. Have you ever stolen anything?
8. Have you ever sent a dick pic?
9. Is Wendy Petrie sexy?
10. Have you fed the chickens in the last month?

We've put these to dozens of guests and it's caused very little fuss. That changed when we put them to the PM.

It blew up globally.

Back home some accused us of being juvenile, disrespectful to the office of the Prime Minister, even treasonous. Overseas the reaction was more positive. The BBC described the questions as "amazing" and in the US, Last Week Tonight host John Oliver claimed it "the best political interview ever". Which was either a huge compliment or massive, sarcastic insult. Hard to say.

Either way, I believe our questions are valid. They reveal deep things about important people. As much by how they answer as what they answer.

Andrew Little, Rachel Hunter and Nanaia Mahuta didn't enjoy answering the questions but Weird Al Yankovich, Ali Williams, Russell Brand, Grant Robertson and the PM relished them. Does that mean Hunter and Little are similar people? Maybe. I definitely see similarities between Williams and the PM.

Clearly the whole thing needs more analysis. So let's crunch the data.

Little had been "drunk, tipsy or twangered" in the last month, Key had not. Little believes the Virgin Mary was really a virgin whereas Key doesn't. Illuminating!

Every actor, comedian and musician we've interviewed has had a same-sex pash but no sportspeople have. Not even the lovely, bubbly Irene van Dyke. Assuming everyone was honest, this suggests a massive sexual divide between arts and sports.

None of the Labour Party candidates we interviewed trim their downstairs, while 50 per cent of our National Party interviewees do. Is this symptomatic of Labour's need to tidy up behind the scenes, or are National too image-focused? Hard to say. Labour's Grant Robertson, though, does occasionally snip. Could this be a platform for a leadership challenge or an indication of his centralist agenda?

Nearly everyone we interviewed has done wees in the shower. Although many overseas guests don't know what "wees" are.

Everyone we've talked to has stolen something, except for Little. Everyone thinks Wendy Petrie is sexy except for the 50 per cent who don't know who she is.

Every man under 30 has sent a dick pic, most over 30 haven't. Is there a deep technological demographic sexual change happening in NZ society? Auckland University would be welcome to our scientifically acquired data.

But was it disrespectful for us to ask these questions of the Prime Minister?

I have a lot of respect for the office of PM. It's the highest in the land. Our leaders are democratically chosen in the least corrupt country on Earth. But being a New Zealander means treating everyone equally. If Stephen "Beaver" Donald has to answer our questions, so does the PM.

The fact Key happily answered and even agreed to come back on the show before Christmas should make you proud to be a Kiwi. How long would a reporter survive after asking Putin if he had ever pashed a man? A North Korean would be shot dead if he asked Kim Jong Un about his manscaping habits.

In the end, NZ is a great country because even bottom-feeders like me can ask the PM if he does wees in the shower and get an answer.

NZ Herald